I am so grateful to the family that stepped in and created space for Phil and I to go on regular dates when our 4 kids were young. The lessons I learned from this time are the reason I am so passionate about date nights and them becoming regular and important in any marriage. Even as our kids grew and did not need sitters, Phil and I still crave out times for just us.
Every marriage needs to be fed, and date nights are important. Whether you have been together a few years or a few decades, whether you have kids or don’t, every decision you make to nourish your marriage is a good one. We all loved the idea of dating when our relationship was new and exciting, but once the ring is on the finger and we focus on doing life together we forget about the pleasure we had in creating memories and intimacy.
When was the last time you went on a date with your lover? How many obstacles come to mind as I posed that question? There are so many reasons to make dating your spouse a priority, and in this post, we will look at a few reasons why you need to date your amazing spouse and often. I have had older couples tell me they used to date when the kids were at home but don’t do it now. They are alone. No matter the stage of life or length of time you are married, your relationship is important and creating those special, not routine, moments is just as important.
Flowers
In this Blog
Creating dates that build the relationship
Why Dating Matters
We all know how important it is to make time to spend with friends, but how often do we look at our spouses and feel the same way?
When did you last crave a few hours to spend with your mate?
When was the last time you did something new together?
Life gets busy, and if we are not careful, our lover can just become a familiar ship we regularly pass instead of a harbour we rest in. When we make the time to be together, we will find it easier to rest in the harbour.
Things that dating your spouse builds
As I mentioned, there are many good reasons to prioritise dating, and here are 11 to start with.
Friendship, yep, we need to be friends with our spouses.
Rekindles your romantic feelings.
Quality time, going on dates means setting aside time for the two of you, taking the time to look into the eyes of each other, and just being together.
Creates space for real conversation. How often do you have an uninterrupted conversation, whether you have kids or not? I know having little ones around is an obvious distraction, but so can running from thing to thing or the pull of a screen.
If you want to know more about communication, check out our Communication Guide
Allows you to have fun or try something new
Helps to reinforce positive feelings between the two of you
Builds intimacy and better sex. Research shows that sexual satisfaction for men is 3.3 times greater, and for women, it is 3.5 times greater simply by making the commitment to connect with each other every week.
Security in your relationship, by setting aside regular time to be together, you are saying yes to your relationship and spending quality time together can reduce the risk of divorce.
You will be happier when you invest time into your marriage, and as the above fruit ripens, so will your happiness at home.
Your kids will notice that mum and dad are on the same page and happy together, which will help them feel more secure.
You have a deeper sense of hope for your future, and you can dream together
How often should we date
Many researchers say that once a week is optimal, but we all know in the real world, that is not always possible. I read another researcher found that going on a date once a month is just as effective as going weekly. Don’t despair; with a plan, you can find a way to regular dates. Date really is just another way of saying spending time together.
Here are a few factors to remember when you and your spouse start planning your first of many dates.
Make dating a priority in your schedule
It does not have to be expensive or extravagant (see below for ideas)
Honour each other’s input
Allow for quality time
Dates are to relieve stress and create a sense of togetherness
Overcoming Obstacles
No matter the stage of life, we can always come up with reasons why we can’t fit a date in, but along with the objection, there is always a solution with a bit of thought and creativity.
We have kids and no one to babysit, or it is too expensive to get one.
Why not see if the grandparents can come and spend time with the kids?
Do you have friends who have children as well? Why not see if you can swap, take turns watching each other’s kids and allow for some grown-up time?
Create a time when they are all in bed to catch up over a supper date.
Going out is expensive
Yes, going out can be expensive. Set a budget and work with what you’ve got to spend
Do something at home; sometimes, simple is way better than making grand gestures. Creating space for a date is more about the time spent together than the actual activity.
We don’t have time in our schedule
This one can be tricky, but take the time to work together to find time; your relationship is worth it, and the sacrifice will be well rewarded as your relationship blossoms (see above).
Creating dates that build the relationship
A date night is when a couple dedicates time to spend together, reconnect and bond, so here are a few ideas to get you started. As I said earlier, creating a date does not have to be grand, expensive or even out of the house. Dates are about the time and choosing your marriage.
These days we take our phones everywhere, and most of us are constantly checking them. Decide to make your date a not tech zone unless it is used for a game or directions, but put the phone away. Make your date a no-scroll zone. Everyone on social can wait.
At Home Dates
Create a supper to enjoy: a cuppa, biscuit, ice cream, or something a little more special.
Be intentional about spending quality time together at home, turn off the tv, and put your phone on silent and way out of reach so you can focus on each other and have a good conversation.
Play a game together
Get in touch with your competitive side and have fun as you play together. If funds allow, why not invest in a new game and have fun learning together?
Watch a movie
Take turns picking a movie, and get some popcorn and drinks. Cuddle up and enjoy watching together.
Cook a meal together
Spend time working together to create a meal for two, then sit at the table and enjoy your very own pop-up restaurant.
Do some home improvements together
This does not have to be expensive; it could be cleaning out an area so you can enjoy it or getting stuck in the garden. Again, it is about being together and working on a common goal.
Give each other a Massage
Get some lovely oil and enjoy being together
Dates outside the home
Go for a walk
Enjoy holding hands while talking about life, dreaming big and taking in the surroundings.
Go to the beach or a park for a picnic
Go to class together
Why not learn a new skill together, whether you want to start scuba diving, dancing or painting? This could be a fun way to be together, and you get to cheer each other on as you progress.
Go to an actual movie
If you want to take it up a notch, why not surprise your spouse with gold-class seats?
Go to a restaurant or a show
Recreate a date you went on before you got married
This could be fun. Talk about dates you remember from when you were dating and why they were so memorable, and recreate the same or something similar.
Plan a road trip
Visit a winery or brewery for a tasting
Something unique
Come up with something that is special to you.
When we first moved back to NSW from WA, we started Fly-In Date Night. Because Phil still worked over West he had to fly home after his swing, and I would go to the airport to pick him up. We found once he got home, the kids would be all over him, and we had a hard time getting any time, so I banned the kids from the airport run, and that was time. We have been doing Fly-In dates for 10 years now, and if, for some reason, they don’t happen, we both feel a little ripped off.
When is your next date?
Ok, now the ball is in your court. Have you made that plan?
I would love to hear what you plan on doing on your next date.
