7 Ways to Keep the Peace (and the Magic) When You’re Not on the Same Festive Page
Every couple has that one thing that reveals their differences. For some, it’s money, for others, it’s music, and for many, it’s Christmas.
One of you is ready to deck the halls in mid-November, while the other would happily wait until Christmas morning to throw up a single piece of tinsel and call it done.
In our house, let’s say I’m the Christmas enthusiast. With 44+ Christmas trees scattered throughout the house — yes, really — plus gingerbread men, nutcrackers, nativities, and every other form of seasonal sparkle, it’s safe to say the “subtle look” isn’t our thing.
Thankfully, my husband Phil is patient and tolerant, and I’m incredibly grateful for that. But I know for some couples, Christmas enthusiasm (or the lack of it) can cause some real tension. So, if you and your partner sit on opposite ends of the festive spectrum, here are a few ideas to help you meet in the middle without losing your peace — or your sense of humour.
1. Talk early and laugh often.
Before the decorations even make it out of storage, grab a cuppa and talk about what Christmas will look like this year.
How much decorating feels fun, and how much feels overwhelming? When does the tree go up? What are your must-do traditions?
Getting on the same page early helps stop those December meltdowns before they start. And if you can keep it light and laugh about it, you’re already halfway to harmony.
Have a cuppa and agree on what Christmas will look like this year — decorations, timing, spending, and vibe. Early laughter beats late tension every time.
2. Compromise creatively.
If you love going all out but your partner prefers a quieter celebration, find ways to make both of you happy.
Maybe you decorate the main spaces together, but leave one room simple — their “Christmas-free zone.” Or you choose one tradition each that matters most.
Shared joy and personal breathing space can coexist beautifully if you plan for both.
Choose one shared tradition you both enjoy and one personal one each of you can own. Shared joy, separate sanity.
3. Find each other’s “why.”
Often, the real conflict isn’t about the trees, the tinsel, or the twinkle lights; it’s about what those things represent.
For some, Christmas decorating feels nostalgic and faith-filled, a way to remember joy and belonging. For others, it can feel like pressure or performance, a list of expectations that never quite ends.
Take time to ask each other why Christmas matters or why it doesn’t, and really listen. Understanding each other’s “why” builds empathy and softens resistance.
For me, it’s about the warmth and the light that point to something far greater. It’s about Jesus, about God coming to earth to bring hope, peace, and the salvation story that began in a humble manger. That’s what fills my heart every time I see the glow of the lights or hear those familiar carols.
Talk about what Christmas means to each of you. When the “why” is understood, the “how” (and how much tinsel) matters less.
4. Make room for differences.
You don’t have to love Christmas the same way to love each other well.
Maybe one person handles the baking while the other focuses on the music or wrapping gifts. Maybe one decorates, and the other agrees to carry the boxes.
Whatever it looks like, let your strengths shine and allow your partner their space. A bit of grace and a sense of humour can go a long way toward peace on earth — or at least in your living room.
Let the Christmas enthusiast shine while giving the minimalist a calm corner. A “no-lights zone” can be the best gift of the season.
5. Keep gratitude visible.
Notice the little things your partner does to meet you halfway.
If they helped hang the lights, stayed for your favourite Christmas movie, or tolerated “All I Want for Christmas Is You” without complaint — say thank you.
Gratitude spoken out loud builds connection. It also changes the focus from what they aren’t doing to what they are.
6. Lower the bar for perfection.
Pinterest and Hallmark have a lot to answer for. Real Christmases are messy; they involve burnt biscuits, lopsided trees, and family chaos.
So instead of striving for the perfect Christmas, try aiming for a peaceful one. Focus on being present, laughing together, and remembering why you celebrate in the first place.
Not every year will look like a Hallmark movie, and that’s okay. Focus on presence, not Pinterest.
7. Remember who you’re celebrating.
Whether your faith sits front and centre or quietly under the surface, Christmas is ultimately about love, grace, and connection.
If one person in the relationship finds their joy in decorating and the other in simply being there, both are valid. The heart of Christmas isn’t about how it looks — it’s about who you’re sharing it with.
Reflection Prompt
How do you and your partner handle your differences at Christmas?
Do you blend traditions, take turns, or find creative compromises? I’d love to hear how you make it work.
Helpful Resource
If you’d like a simple way to reflect and stay grounded through the season, my Daily Life Journal is a great place to start. You can find it here:
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